owl ^;-;^

I woke up this morning, watched some TV.

Same-ol' same-ol'.

My mom said, 'Whoa, look at that huge bird!'

So, I looked.

Yes, it was a huge bird, perched on one of the trees at the edge of our windbreak. I didn't even really think about what I was doing. I just grabbed my camera, a hat, my coat, and one mitten. Only one, that was kind of strange.

And, here are the best of the seven pictures I got. I had to share them with you, because owls really are incredible and beautiful animals. When the owl turned and looked at me, right before I took it's picture, I thanked God for it. It was so beautiful.

This last one is my failed attempt to get a photograph of it flying. I knew it was going to, so I had my camera ready, and then it opened it's gigantic wings and took off and I was stunned, it was so incredible, and I tried to get the picture, but clearly it was too fast and too stunning for me. The picture would have come out blurry if I had gotten it anyways. I wish you all could have seen what I just did.

Have a great rest of the weekend.

God bless everyone

~Tara

Oh, this is the little video I got. Really bad quality, if shaken camera's make you sick, you might not want to watch it. I do get a kind of cool little clip of the owl as it takes off from a different tree branch. I thought that I'd try to film it instead of take a picture of it this time, since last time it was too fast and also, I admit, took my breath away. So, if you want to stop watching right after the owl flies, you aren't missing anything. I would've cut out the rest of the video (I was trying to find the owl again, which I didn't) except I don't know how to do that.

Enjoy! ^;-;^ <<<>

Me And My Guitar

Hey,

This is an old picture of my guitar and me. Obviously, since my hair is still natural in this pic. I was bored, thought I'd upload it to y'all.

Love!

God bless!

~Tara

Ummm, At Least I'm Trying?

Well, I pretty much suck at guitar, I only had like three lessons before school started and now I'm not getting lessons anymore. I'm pretty sure I've said that before on here, but I said it again so you know for sure.
So, there are like hundreds, probably thousands, of websites that have guitar tabs on them. No offense to my ex-guitar teacher TJ, but Tabs do seem to be easier to learn, but I am still practicing learning the notes too, and the chords which are very important but hard for me to memorize and get all of my little fingers spread out and pressing the strings hard enough.
So, yes, I continued my search for some guitar tabs, maybe, probably, not the easiest tabs out there for a beginner, but they're songs I know so that should help.
The one's I found that I wanna try to learn are as follows:
Curl Up and Die ~ by Relient K
Let That Be Enough ~ Switchfoot
Awakening ~ Switchfoot I think that it'll sound weird w/ just the acoustic.
Devastation and Reform ~ Relient K Again, probably sound weird just with acoustic.
Then I saw Hey There Delilah by Plain White Ts and decided I'll print that one out too. I mean, it's Hey There Delilah! A kid at my school sang it at a choir concert, and he did really good. The song's sweet, okay?
So, that's all I have to say for today.
Love you guys!
God bless!
~TARA

I Took Pics of Myself and My New Look!

I did a sort of 'self-photo-shoot' type thing.

This is pretty much the pics I liked the best from those.

How do you like my new look? I think it's pretty wicked sweet. XD

I was trying to take a picture of myself in the mirror, this happened instead, I do think that it looks kind of cool. And a little bit scary.

I like this one a lot, my mom gave me that silver necklace. Yea, I like this picture.

The sun was setting through the window behind me, the lighting was pretty good.

I LOVE that one.Calming breaths.What the heck!? Isn't that a WEIRD picture!!! makes me laugh.I like how in this one you can partially see my other eye, it has a nice effect.

I don't know how true emo kids can stand the hair always in their eye. It is such a cool-awesome look though, I can live with it. I'll get used to it. Your vision really isn't that obscured.

I think that this is my favorite pic of all of the ones I took. You can very clearly see the red tips. And my eye looks really blue and idk, the whole picture is nice. I think.

I smile way too much to be emo! But, who says emos really can't smile? I've never met an emo, but I'm sure they smile when they're with their friends. Or when they read stupid stuff on the internet about themselves that isn't true. Or, of course, when they look at the weird pictures of me, who doesn't laugh/smile?Ok, flash nearly blinded me! This is such a creepy picture!

I was trying to take a picture of myself in the mirror..again..still didn't work.

Rachel came to my aid and took the last two pictures of me. (Thanks Rach, Happy Anniversary!!)

This is the last one Rachel took. I LOVE it! She had me lean next to the mirror, and 'ta-da!' I have a twin! Which one is really me? Ah, it was so cool!

Thanks again Rachel!

God bless!

~Tara

(Sorry I didn't get any pictures of the snow, it's all melted by now)

Supernatural Fans: UNITE

SUPERNATURAL FANS:
SUPERNATURAL HAS BEEN NOMINATED IN THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS FOR FAVORITE SCI FI/FANTASY SHOW.
GO HERE TO VOTE FOR THEM! TYPE IN THE SECURITY CODE THINGY, AND THEN SCROLL DOWN AND SELECT 'FAVORITE SCI FI/FANTASY SHOW' UNDER 'TV'. IT'S THAT SIMPLE! ;D
I'M ACTUALLY HOPING THAT THEY WIN, OBVIOUSLY, BUT I THINK THAT IT'LL BE CLOSE. THERE HAVE BEEN OVER 3.5 MILLION VIEWERS ON AVERAGE SO FAR THIS SEASON, ALL OF YOU NEED TO GO OUT AND VOTE FOR THEM!
THAT'S ALL MY NEWS.
GOD BLESS Y'ALL

COMICS

Hey Everyone!
So, I was cleaning my room and I saw I had some comics from the Sunday newspaper. Well, I couldn't just throw them all away! Some of those comics make me laugh! And I like having something to look at or think of to lighten my mood. Basically, this is what I did.

Yep, that's what I did: Dedicated a corner of my room to some hilarious comics, a few of which still make me laugh out loud. Maybe I don't laugh hysterically, but I still laugh. These are a few of my favorite comics:

^^ This is Ollie and Quentin. Usually good for a laugh.^^For Better or For Worse--Really cute strip that usually coaxes a smile from me. :)
^^Dilbert--I used to think it was so Dullbert(haha, laugh, you know you want to), and I hated this strip, but now I've come to really enjoy it. The past few weeks it's been really funny.^^F Minus--Clever is all I have to say. Almost always laugh out loud worthy.
^^Cul De Sac -- I recently discovered this strip, and it is so wonderful! It really reminds me of childhood, and is slightly reminiscent, for me at least, of Calvin and Hobbes-My all-time favorite comic strip. I bought a few Calvin and Hobbes Book Collections, I like them so much!
^^Get Fuzzy--!!!!Used to not find this strip too funny. But now, whoa, usually it's hilarious and I laugh out loud. XD
^^Zits--Probably my favorite strip in the Sunday Comics. They are so true, and I love the humor. Not so much a LOL strip, but it makes me smile and remember all sorts of things that have happened to me or people I know that the strip reminded me of. XD!

Alright, that's it, hope you enjoyed!

Share what your fave comics are, I'm open to new comics. :D, that sounds funny.

Love you guys!

God bless!

:) :) !SNOW! (: (:

Hey everyone!
I woke up this morning feeling absolutely wonderful! I looked out my window, and what did God add to making me feel better and helping me sleeping well? He added SNOW!
It was so beautiful, there is no way to describe it completely.
Nice, rich, big, fluffy snowflakes. Falling leisurely practically all day, they delighted me every chance I got to look outside.
I absolutely loved the snow, and I was so thankful to God for it. Snow is a lot like rain: It washes everything away and gives a symbolic new start. I loved and enjoyed the snow today.

Ok, so I was gone from school for 3 days. You know how much homework I have? I'd guess /at least/ 2 hours of math alone. Ohmy! It doesn't seem like too much, especially compared with my cousins' school-loads, but I still am not looking forward to it. Basically I just wanted to get that out of my system, I was so frazzled all school-day today. There is just sooo much to make up. I admit, I worry about stuff a lot more than most people do, but I don't know how to stop worrying. Sometimes I stress about stuff and I lack even the most remote sense of why I am stressing about it so bad. Like my first guitar lesson. I don't know why I was so stressed and worried, and I asked myself that to calm me down, then I found I didn't know the answer, which should have dissolved my stress, but it didn't. I just kept stressing until I thought I'd be sick and my legs were shaking. The lesson went fine, it was fun. All during the lesson I, mentally, was pretty relaxed, trying to take all of this new info in, but my body was so out of whack! I could not, I mean could NOT, stop my legs from shaking, and my hands were sweating and I was totally tensed. It was like impossible to relax. I even tried a deep breath, and that didn't help me relax. Maybe there's some sort of disease or something that makes you unable to relax. I hope none of you guys have to worry and stress so much! It's not fun.
I am going to go, get some much-needed sleep.
Talk to all of you again, and I am hoping to get some pictures of the snow before it melts, but I need to recharge my camera first. It died right in the middle of me taking some pics of my cats. I was kind of upset, but yea, whatever. I'll charge it tonight, take some pictures, hopefully, tomorrow. But, the snow's already melting some, so it could be all gone. I hope not.
Love you guys!
God bless

1408

I stayed home again today. My mom came home early from work, also sick. Together we watched 1408. She hadn't seen it yet. I saw it once not too long ago with my dad because he made me watch it.
All in all, 1408 keeps you guessing. Or, it kept me guessing. I'm not a huge horror fan so I don't have many movies to compare it to. It's based on a novel by Stephen King. It has a lot of chills and 'gotcha!' moments. But mostly it's phsycotic. While you are watching him in the room, after stuff starts getting weird, you are in the same boat as he is. Wondering, what in the world is going on here?! Trying to figure it out. And then later on, especially when he is talking to the fridge/the hotel manager, you start to wonder if any of this stuff is really happening. Is he insane? Is he really out of the room? Is he really in the room? Is he safe? What is he going to do now? What can he do now?
The movie was pretty good, I liked it quite a lot.
One of my favorite parts, as small a role it plays, is when the room is on fire and the numbers on the door, the 1408, melts or, if you will, bleeds. I love that bit of imagery, it's very dramatic. My really favorite part, like a favorite scene, I'm not sure. I liked the 'You are here' with the arrow on the map as well.
Scenes, think scenes.
Okay, well I liked the book signing and when he was trying to tell the guy in the building across from the hotel to call 9-1-1. Waving his arms and yelling to get his attention, and then the mans peculiar response. That was expected, but still gave me the chills.
But I hated the ending. Does it keep going on in a continuous loop, or is he finally free? What about him and his wife, do they get back together? And Katy? Was it all really real? Did it happen? I know he has the tape recorder as proof, but still. Is it really the end? I'm not sure, but yes, I'd recommend it to practically everyone. Definitely not for people who don't like horror. But I hope that 1408 will become a classic movie, I think it deserves the honor.
If you've seen it, please share your thoughts. It was interesting, and I'd love to share thoughts about it; know what you think. Well, I think that I'll go now. I haven't been able to fall back asleep since earlier this morning. I drank some Green Tea for my throat, but I didn't know that Green Tea has CAFFEINE in it. Haha, needless to say, I did not sleep at all today. I'm tired and sore.

Oh, right:

BARACK OBAMA :::::::::: THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Congratulations are in order. I am worried about our future though, no matter who took the Presidency, this is going to be very tough for Obama. I hope that he can do it, and that our country was right to elect him.

God bless!

NO MORE POLITICAL ADS!

NO MORE POLITICAL ADS--FINALLY!
WHO WILL BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT? HOPEFULLY IT'S ONE OF THE CANDIDATES.
LET'S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO SIGH IN RELIEF THAT EVERYONE SURVIVED THE CAMPAIGNING AND NOW ALL THOSE TERRIBLE POLITICAL ADS WILL STOP AND THE PHONE CALLS AND DOOR TO DOOR PEOPLE TELLING US WHO TO VOTE FOR WILL ALSO STOP :)
WELL, GO OUT AND VOTE AND HAVE A HAPPY ELECTION DAY! HOPEFULLY OUR COUNTRY WILL GO IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. OR ELSE WE'RE DOOMED. EITHER WAY, THE CAMPAIGNING IS OVER AND ONE, WELL TWO I GUESS, WILL WIN THE PRIZE.
HASTA LUEGO!
GOD BLESS!

Lambs, Dreams, and Alpacas

Oh, there was one more thing I thought I should share with you. Okay, I just found it interesting.
I might get a lamb! Wouldn't that be sweet?!
(ooh, Barlowgirl is playing on the Refuge right now, I like them)
I would get it for free, yes, FREE!!!(I like free stuff!) from one of my friends! They want to get rid of one or something, idk, but they offered it to me! My mom thinks that it'd be pretty cool to have a lamb, but we haven't told/asked my dad yet. I've said nothing about it to him because I know that if I ask he'd say no. He always says no to me! But he should say yes because 1) The lamb can be free-range 2) It won't need a special building to live in, one of the outdoor buildings we already have will work perfectly 3) The lamb's 'excrement' is like rabbit droppings, so that shouldn't be a problem either. (we had ducks for a while and dad made us get rid of them, (even lovely little Creme!) because there was duck poo everywhere).
I would love a lamb! Actually, my bro and I wanted an Alpaca for a while because Alpaca's are way better than llamas. Somehow we got it in our heads that we would start an Alpaca farm and become rich or something. I don't really remember how we ever came to think that, but it was a fun thought to entertain. What does that have to do with a lamb? Nothing I guess. I am so tired.
Well guys, leave me a comment, I could use some human communication.
God bless, have a great week, don't get sick! Oh, and Happy Election Day!

Not At School

I woke up this morning and I thought, hmm, I might throw up. I wanna go back to sleep.
Well, my mom let me stay home today. I slept pretty late, but I woke up a little more than an hour ago and I couldn't fall back asleep so I got up. Just been searching the web, there's nothing on TV and I don't feel like watching a movie.
Nope, I haven't thrown up yet, but I haven't eaten anything today yet either. I don't think I have the Flu, that's what my mom thinks, but I've been feeling sick for a few days so a day off is doing me good. Two of my friends were out last week because of the Flu, so I think it will probably just be a matter of time until I get it. So, hopefully taking a break from school will buff up my immune system enough so I won't get sick.
I'm tired but I can't fall asleep!
Wow am I glad I put the Refuge Radio on my Windows Media Player. Then I didn't have to search the Web for it. Nice to have some background music.
Hey, I think all of you guys should put the Refuge on your Media Players if you want to. I'll go find a link to the main site. http://www.refugeradio.com/ whoa, I guess that's kinda an obvious address, oh well, I'm not thinking so clearly right now.
Hey, Toby Mac is playing now! He's good.
Let's see, what else do we have on the site?
Today's Power Verse (Nov. 4th 2008, Election Day)
It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
That's pretty fitting for Election Day.
Ooh! Now they're playing Skillet! Last Night! Great song! Skillet is becoming a favorite band of mine pretty quickly. I should try and get one of their CDs.
As of right now the Current #1 Hit is Lose Control by House of Heros off of their album "The End Is Not The End". Must admit, I don't know the song.
The Skillet CD I really want is Comatose. Not only because I like their song Comatose, but because it has a great collection of their awesome songs!
Let's see, what else can I find?
All right, here is the link for getting it to play on your Windows Media Player, http://www.refugeradio.com/Webcast/Index.cfm , it's all FREE, which is pretty awesome especially if you are like me and are always looking for free stuff. :D
To end this weird blog entry, I wanna share what I just read on Jake Scott's page on the Refuge (http://www.refugeradio.com/Staff/index.cfm?ID=11)
He was asked: If you were on the cover of a magazine, which one would it be, and what would be the caption? And he answered: Magazine: Billboard, Caption: 'How The Heck Did This Guy Get On The Cover of Billboard?'
It made me laugh a little.
I hope you guys have a great day. :)
God bless!

Fun Fotos!

I took my darling rats outside for a little while today. I remembered I had promised them I would take them out a long time ago, but I forgot. It's getting closer to winter every day, and today was actually relatively warm, so I didn't have to worry about them getting too cold.

I don't take my rats outside very often, mainly because of my cats and dog which have taken snaps at them other times I've brought them outside. I have to be very cautious. Therefore, I went outside through my basement so the dog wouldn't see or hear me. That worked pretty well. This is a picture of my newer rat, Venice.

Venice again. Isn't she adorable?! She really enjoyed being outside, both of them did. They made me smile the whole time we were out on the patio.
This is my dear Firenze. She is the rat I have had the longest. I had her for a few months when I decided she needed some company, she was so terribly lonely. So, we went back to the pet store and I picked out a beautiful all-brown rat who seemed small for her age. I christened her Venezia. Well, as I thought the day after we got her and I was watching her and Firenze interact, she didn't look too well. She died a week or two later. I knew it was going to happen and so did Firenze. It was sweet, Firenze would sometimes sit next to Venezia and groom her. After Venezia died, Firenze seemed even more alone. That is why, another few months later, I got Venice to be her friend. They fought at first, but now they get along and only play-fight occasionally.
Our nice trip outside was rudely interrupted by Star, who came meowing his way over to us. I put Firenze and Venice on my shoulders and then quickly snapped this picture of Star sniffing around where they had just been exploring.

So, after being scared away from the patio, I thought Firenze and Venice (guess where I want to go :-D) might enjoy the flower barrels. That's where I took them, and they did love it!
Venice is so cute!
Firenze is more of the explorer.
Venice looks over the edge of the barrel, she's pretty curious but also usually timid. Firenze helps her be more outgoing, as weird as that sounds.

The sun is so bright on Firenze's head, it makes her fur look purely white! It looks weird if you look at it for a long time.

Moto came over to us, and took a snap at Venice. I snatched her and Firenze up and that was the end of our trip. Star wouldn't follow us, but I know Moto would. She killed a lot of my pets, all my kittens until we got a mean rooster who showed her her place. But the rooster died, and now she is partially reverting to her old ways, though she bonded with my cats so I really doubt she would hurt them. But she would probably love to eat my rat-babes.

After we were on our way to the house, I took a pic of Moto and Star (who I was wrong about, he did follow us!) who were double-checking to make sure the rats really weren't there any more. It was a quick end to our little adventure, but we all still had fun.

God bless you all! Have a wonderful week!

BUBBLEGUM SHOES!

I was looking through my previous posts, and I came across YouTube, That's SWEET!!
In that post I mentioned the Bubblegum scene, when Sam loses his shoe, and I thought I should share that with you all.
What's going on?
Dean(the boy on the phone) has just called his and Sam's friend Bobby to ask for help. Sam has been cursed with bad luck from a rabbit's foot. They don't know what to do, so Dean is hoping Bobby will. Meanwhile, Sam is having troubles of his own, the whole episode was hilarious. XD
Enjoy! (I know I did)

My Lovable Cats

SO, I was going through a bunch of my pictures, and I noticed something. I have mostly pictures of my cats and flowers. Interesting, right?

These are some of my cats, the pictures are all over the timeline, and they don't go in chronological order, but that doesn't really matter does it?

This is Star. He's very cuddly as well, but it's strange to pick him up. You see, he broke a rib when he was much younger, and it sticks out, you can feel it through his skin, and it always makes me pull back because I think it would hurt. But he gives no idication that it does, but I am still wary when I hold him.

Midnight. If I were to have a sister who was a cat, this would be her. I love her so much, and she's really funny. She tries to be serious all the time, but she isn't really. And, it's absolutely hilarious, she gets very jealous. If I pet another cat, she meows at me like, hey, I thought you were mine!

Oreo, the mother of Midnight, Star, and Spec. Spec is not in these pictures because I don't have any of him, he left some time either last year or the year before and sadly hasn't come back yet. I'm still hoping he will! Oreo is still a kitten at heart, but she has drastic moodswings. One moment she'll be batting your hand playfully and purring, the next she's biting your hand and growling. Crazy cat! But I love her anyways. :)

The newest edition to the family, last year I believe, this is September. She was in the back of my Grandpa's truck, we don't know how she got there. She seemed to like it here though, and no one in my Grandpa's town reported a missing cat or told him when he asked around. And so, we kept her.

This is a personal favorite of mine. Streak with his tongue sticking out at you. I believe he had just yawned.

I love taking pictures of my cats, they are fun, if difficult, subjects to work with.

Love!

God bless!

~Tara

A Video of....

This is Streak, my cuddly cat, LIVE AND IN VIDEO!
He's so soft! This, (and much, much more) is what you are missing by not having/loving a cat in your life. I know my life is richer with my pets.

What is that infernal clicking noise?!

I wish that I had a camcorder or something like that so I could take some better quality footage, and longer than just like a few minutes maximum.

Hmmm, Christmas is coming up...

DYiNg BLoG?

Maybe you haven't noticed, but it seems as though my blog is dying. I was wondering, what do people usually blog about. Okay, so they usually talk about their lives. Most bloggers are also older than me, and they have more to talk about and they have jobs and stuff. I don't, so I was wondering: What should I write about?
Make a suggestion.
I was thinking about making a weekly little story segment, that is doable and might be fun, but I have no idea what it would be about.
Please, any comment and or idea is welcome. More than welcome. I will send u a virtual cake.*





*No cake will actually be sent or received. It was yummy though ;D

Dean? Shorts? No.

This is a video of Dean Winchester. (Season 1, Episode 2, Wendigo)

It's true, I have never seen him in shorts.

What?! I was wicked bored.

FRED!

Alrighty, I got a thing from Fred's myspace and it is up and running on my page! I was so excited it worked, usually stuff doesn't. He makes me laugh, u probably heard him when my page first came up. That kinda bothers me that it's on every single time u refresh or go back to the page, but I'm pretty sure I can live with that.
Also, in honor of the most recent Supernatural episode, (Season 4, Episode 6, Yellow Fever), I have added Dean singing Eye of the Tiger in my side bar. I'm pretty sure him singing was my favorite part of the episode, and even if you aren't a Supernatural fan it doesn't matter because there is absolutely no plot involved. It's just a fun little side thing they decided to do, you can hear the camera men, (I'm pretty sure I specifically heard Jared Padalecki) laughing.

Nothing new in my life.

Love you guys!
God bless!

I Wanted To Share With You!

I wanted to share with all of you!
This is one of my favorite Supernatural clips. It's the intro to the last episode of Season 3, No Rest For The Wicked. The song is Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas, and I really like that song. I'm working on memorizing it so I can hum it to myself. That might sound lame, but I like the song, ok?!
Obviously I still have lots of Fred Figglehorn on the brain, but I can't help it: He's funny!
If this video works, I might upload some more, and see if I can get some Fred vids on here too! And on my mp3 so I can make my friends watch him and have them give me weird looks!

Hope you enjoy it!

Love you guys!

God bless!

I MET FRED!!!

Hey all you readers out there!
I just wanna tell you that, yesterday evening, I discovered Fred Figglehorn!
He is HILARIOUS, if the slightest bit annoying. He is at www.youtube.com/fred and is utterly hilarious. I'm going to see what I can do about getting some of his vids on here. My favorites are Fred Goes To The Dentist and Fred Goes Swimming.
He is really funny, or I thought so. I suppose some people, probably quite a few, would find him offensive. If you've never seen him before, or this is your first time, tell me! If you are a long-time watcher, can't be too long since he's only been on for a few months and already #1!, let me know your favorite episodes!
As Fred says,
Peace! Around the world!
God bless you all, and I hope this makes you laugh and lightens your day.
~Tara

One Of My Cats

This adorable cat is Streak. He's really cuddly and

whenever I sit down outside he has to have my attention!

I took a bunch of pictures of him today, because he was

being rather annoying, but I did get a few good shots.

Sighs and New Friends

The weather was supposed to get colder, and it was for a few days. Now it has heated up again, and that heat I cannot stand. I sigh in discontentment. I feel like dying in this heat, I must receive the cool, crisp, new beginning that autumn offers to me like an old and new friend rolled together, laughing and clearing my slate.

Even through this heat, friendship seems to endure.

I went to a parade today. It was homecoming week at school. Spirit Week, most schools do that I think. And so tonight is homecoming. But the parade was today. Of course, all my friends are in a float, everyone is part of something. Everyone but me, of course. And so, unsure of what to do, I flew with the crowd out of the pep fest and to main street for the parade. I went about half-way down the street when the crowd began to thin a bit. I stopped under the shade of a large tree, trying to look like I did not care that I was standing there all alone.
Then, much to my surprise and delight, a boy named Myka and his friend Darren came up to ask me where they were supposed to go. I said anywhere along the street. They still didn't really know what to do, so I told them they should just stay here, and they consented.
It was nice to be around kids in my grade, and though I did not really talk to them I still enjoyed the parade. Much more than I thought I would. All of my friends waved to me from their respective floats, even throwing candy at me, though I let the little toddlers and the sixth graders get all of it, except one purple tootie-fruitie I got early on.
And so the parade was over. I followed Darren and Myka back to the front of the school, Myka and I needed to catch the bus back to our sister school in the next town.
We said good bye to Darren and got on the bus that would take us to our town, we were almost the only ones on it. And, as things go, we started talking. Myka is really smart, I would consider him and expert in Mythology, he talked about it for quite a while. I like Mythology, and it was interesting talking to him, I really hope he doesn't think I was bored. It was hard to follow all he was saying, he talks so quietly, but intriguing nonetheless. We talked about school and his family and other places he's lived. Valley Fair and classmates. It was lots of fun, and a nice change from the usual conversations I have with my girl friends.
He seems like a really nice boy, Darren too, and I hope that our new found friendship with flourish.

Aside from all that, nothing has really changed with me. I am trying to learn to read Guitar tabs, so if anyone has some really simple and well-known tabs they would want to send me to help, I'd really appreciate it.
I'll talk to y'all some other time, right now I need to savor that fact that it Is thE wEEkEnd!
God Bless!

School, School, School

School's started, a little over 2 weeks now.
Can't say I love it, but it's okay. Fun to be back with all the other kids again. I forgot how much they amuse me. Not only amuse me, I'm sure I amuse them sometimes too. It's so much fun to be around people after my near-isolation of the summer!
I don't mind the work and the learning, but I do not like the homework. Really, homework doesn't help at all! They have done quite a few studies on it as well, but, for some unknown reason, teachers still hand out the homework and we are still doomed to get wrong answers for the questions we did not understand or know how to do and we had no reasource to go to to ask for help. Ahh, school.
The summer is over and done.
Lucky for me Autumn is my favorite season, the crisp air and leaves turning colors. Maybe I'll take some pictures once the leaves do change colors, all of our trees are still green. I love the smell of Autumn, too. Fresh, like a new beginning.
I think Autumn would make a great name, maybe some day I'll have a daughter and name her Autumn. But, then she might hate the name, and ask 'Mom, why did you name me stupid Autumn after a stupid season?' Well, who knows. I was upset with my mother for some time for giving me the middle name Jo. It's a guy name! But I have come to accept it, in part because JK Rowling's friends and family and other people too, i guess, call her Jo. Yes, that means I like the Harry Potter series.
People seem to think that Harry Potter is satanic. I see that angle, I do. But if you actually read the books, you would realize that the books are about growing up. Growing up and becoming who you were meant to be. That's what I have to say about it, I am a Christian and I still like Harry Potter. I like it for the way he is just like all other teenagers, he has problems, big and small(some unrealistic and magical, i admit), and he has to get through them.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. I have a lot of homework to do.
God bless!

YouTube, that's SWEET!

YouTube added this awesome thing to Blogger, or Blogger added it. Doesn't matter. Any who, the one I have there on the left is under the tags, Supernatural and Relient K. The last vid, it's called Supernatural Devastation and Reform, is one of my favorite YouTube vids. Basically, if you've watched the show you'll understand. For those of you who haven't, Sam, the guy with the longer hair and shown right in the beginning, is going through a lot of stuff. In this vid he knows that his brother(Dean) is going to die. Sam is worried that he's going dark side. It really fits well with the song, Sam is destroying everything he loves. He loves his brother, actually, Dean is all he has. And yes, at 0:58 it is Sam shooting Dean, and at 1:28 he is punching Dean. Basically Sam is having a lot of inner struggles, and Dean is the only person he can really take anything out on, but Sam really isn't a very mean person. It doesn't make much sense unless you've watched the show. Sorry I am so bad at explaining. I will add, most of the clips(including the one where Sam shoots Dean and where Sam is tied to the chair in front of the fire), are from one of my favorite episodes, Born Under A Bad Sign, which is all about Sam going dark side. Ironically, my other absolute favorite episode is Bad Day At Black Rock, in which Sam has the worst luck imaginable. Love the part when he looses his shoe, the look on his face is priceless. XD *SPOILER* Sam doesn't really go dark side. It actually turns out he is possessed. Dean manages to get the demon out with the help of a good friend, Bobby. That's basically it, killer episode.

My Brother is Awesome, Isn't He Though?(IKR!)

The sleepover was fun, just like I thought it would be. The only downside was that the other two girls, Lindsey and Danny, well, I am not like them so much. I mean, I am very different from most people my age, but with Hannah I can be myself and she can be herself. But Hannah is very adaptable (in a good way) and she was comfortable being with Lindsey and Danny, who were both kinda, in my opinion, somewhat girly, and also be with me who is a bit of a tomboy. Well, I think she was comfortable. She was giving me weird looks every now and then, and she didn't seem quite herself all the time. Anyways. I wasn't comfortable. I held back, almost all the talk was about cute guys.
Yes, there are a bunch of cute, really cute, guys and it's fun to talk about them for a little while, but, maybe I'm just a little strange, after about three hours straight of talking about guys, I got kinda bored and sick of the subject. And, Hannah, Danny, Emily, and Lindsey all love chick-flicks. Now, I am not saying chick-flicks are terrible. Some of them are okay, I like A Walk To Remember and a few others, but I hate almost all of the romance ones. And practically all chick-flicks are romances. Let me tell you, I was feeling kind of bad for the other girls while we were watching The Notebook, because I ruined practically all of the soft, 'ahhhh' moments. That was a long, in my opinion, torturous, movie. In other words, I didn't like it. However, it did amuse me, and I got to make fun of it and punch holes in it, but other than that, it was SOOO LONG! I mean come on! A long, romantic chick-flick where you know who's gonna fall in love in like the first ten minutes and the rest of the movie is them falling in love and going through ups and downs until the very end when they die, together, in each others arms. Sweet? No, it was sickening. Old people dead together. *ugh!shudder* And, I want to know, who died first? The guy or the girl? Or did they die at exactly the same instant? Who wants to lie sleeping next to a dead person? Not me. But whatever, I'm still like crazy about hating that movie, so don't get me started.
We did get to watch one of the movies I brought, Walking Across Egypt, which was nice. It has Jonathon Taylor Thomas in it, and i think he's adorable. Don't hear about him anymore. Is he still acting? If you know anything, please let me know! Anyways, that's an inspirational movie, I actually like it, and I'm not too fond of inspirational movies most of the time either. Though I suppose A Walk To Remember is inspirational too, right? Anyways, we didn't just watch movies. Oh no, we did our own Olympics.
The Olympics started with trying to roast marshmallows in a raging bonfire while it was, get this, sprinkling out. Yes, it was sprinkling! The fire was so hot that the water evaporated before it could get too close to the flames. That was the hottest fire I think I've ever stood by. We had to stand like ten feet away so that our faces didn't cook. But, someone had the brilliant idea of roasting marshmallows. We took turns putting a sweatshirt over our arms and covering our hands and faces so that we didn't get burned. There was a chosen tree near the fire, about two feet away from it actually, that when it was your turn you stood behind. It blocked most of the heat. We had those little poker things that you put the marshmallow on, and then we reached out from behind the tree and stuck the marshmallow in the fire for as long as we could stand the heat. The first time I tried I could only keep it in for like three seconds, and that wasn't even over a flame. The next time I ignored my burning face and stuck the marshmallow into a big flame until it caught on fire and then I ran away from the bonfire, it was so HOT! My face felt like it was about to burst into flame. I do have a low heat tolerance anyway. Yes, from the marshmallow contest we moved to mooing. Like a cow. Yes. That is the truth. Honest, I swear. We stood on chopped wood and the stumps of trees that had been chopped down and we mooed at the cows, trying to make them moo back. They never did. And by this time it had went from sprinkling to an all-out downpour. It was sweet, I love the rain. Plus, the rain put out the evil-hot bonfire. :D
All in all, it was fun. I did have a good time even though I felt like an outsider and, vaguely, for some strange reason, I felt left out a lot of the time. And I was included, so that really doesn't make sense. But whatever. It was fun. I stayed up the whole night. Around 5:30 me Hannah and Lindsey actually had some real conversation, like about life and trials and then demons and angels. That was really nice. And then Hannah's mom came in after everyone had woken back up around 6 or 6:30, and she talked about exorcisms and stuff like that. It was cool. For some reason I didn't trust everything Lindsey and Danny said. Hannah, too, for that matter. But I did trust Hannah's mom and Emily, but Emily didn't say much. I really appreciated her talking about it, though.
After I came home, I was feeling nostalgic, that was the last time I'll get to see Hannah before she moves to Missouri. Isn't that terrible? We're gonna keep contact though, emails, IM, and probably actual mail, good ol' US Postal System, right? Like I said, she has a blog, so maybe she'll keep all of us updated. Who knows. Anyways, I was feeling kinda nostalgic, and Hannah gave me and all the others a present. She didn't want us opening them at her house, because she didn't want to see our reactions, and I also don't think she wanted us to know what the others got. Just a hunch, I don't know for sure. I opened the present when I got home, and I had to laugh. I wasn't expecting it, but it nearly made me cry. I'm not that soft though, and I didn't, but I know I'll miss Hannah. She gave me socks. Two shoe boxes full of socks. Now, that sounds stupid, right? Well, it's not. Hannah used to collect socks, and she gave me all of her favorite pairs, I think at least. She collected socks back in the day, and I collected tin foil. You know, from like chocolate candy? It was shiny and pretty! I still have my collection, I'm pretty sure. We were weird. I also collected erasers. Still have all of them, they are so cool, for some reason. And now I have Hannah's sock collection. No, I don't think I'll ever wear any of them, but she gave them to me. Made me feel special. She also, bless her, put in a brand new pair of socks just for me. Yes, I am going to miss the girl and all of her craziness. I really hope she finds some good, strong Christian friends down in Missouri, and that she doesn't feel too much pressure to change who she is.
Now, moving on to the title of this post, my brother is AWESOME! He just is. Like a fact. We usually don't get to do much together, because he works so much. He's like a workaholic. That's why he's not going out for a sport this year, he's going to work on a farm instead.
I just wanted to say that I think he is awesome. When we do do stuff together, it's always fun. We had to dig up all the rocks in part of the yard today because our dad said and he wants to till it up and plant grass there so maybe we can set up some sort of badminton thing, I'm hoping anyways, I like badminton. So me and my bro were digging up rocks and just talking, you know, nothing significant but it's still meaningful? It was like that. Then he went and got the Bobcat and started attacking the bigger rocks with it, trying to push and pull them up out of the soil they called home. It was just really cool. Every time he almost got one we'd look at each other and he'd make a face at me. Then he'd get one and cheer and so would I. It sounds pathetic here, but if you were there and were a sibling, then it would be awesome.
Then Rachel, my bro's girlfriend came over. Now they're doing something together, and later one of my bro's friends is coming over. It's kind of weird because his friend, Denny, is going to be sleeping over. They're going to go hunting tomorrow morning. I don't know what they're hunting, or even what's in season. Hopefully they'll get something though. My brother wants to fill a whole freezer with fish that he's caught and wild game. I'm hoping that when deer season comes around he'll get a big buck. That would make him really happy. Last year I don't think he got any deer. His first time deer-hunting he got a no-pointer. I mean, a doe. He was so excited. He goes hunting with one of his older friends from church. A lot older actually. Curt's married with three children. I used to think that Curt was like a second father to my brother, but now I understand they're just like any two same-aged buddies. It sounds like Curt gets kind of crazy, like he's a teenager again is the picture I get, when he's up north at the cabin and hunting. Even when he brings his I think six-year-old son with him and my bro.
They have fun though. So, that's like it.
For review, I had fun at the sleepover, my brother has fun hunting, and he is AWESOME!! I think that just about covers everything. Peace out, chaps!

So long!

It has been FOREVER since I last wrote. Sorry about that. :^!
But, even though it has been 'so long' since I last wrote, I am also glad to be able to use a verse from that great song, SO LONG SELF! I am feeling great! Soooo happy!
It's just incredible. I would love to share my happiness with anyone who's interested! I dunno how it happened, I guess God just made me realize that I'm only sad and depressed when I am constantly thinking about myself. It might sound stupid, but I started focusing on other things and other people, and now I feel wonderful!
I am going to my friend Hannah's house (her blog is at http://dpressedteen.blogspot.com) for a sleepover! It'll be fun, I just know it! But, I am sad because I am 99% sure that she's moving to Missouri before school starts, so this will be the last time I see her. :( But, we'll just have to make the best of it I guess. She's also having three of her other friends over, Emily, who is also one of my best friends, and Danny and Lindsey. I don't know Danny or Lindsey, but if they're Hannah's friends I'm sure that I'll like them and we'll all get along great.
Wow, such a huge change from a few months ago! I can hardly believe it. It just is incredible, I think. I love being happy. But it is more than happy, because happy is a yuppie word. I think it is anyways. Joy. It's so much more filling and lasts forever and makes you feel so so so sooooo wonderful. And I've even been experiencing peace lately, which is just terrific. I know that I'll need peace and joy since school will start this Tuesday. *shudder*
I hate school. But I love to learn and I love my classmates and most of the teachers are okay. So I dunno why I hate school. Really it doesn't make sense, but whatev, I guess.
Another new thing is I am learning how to play the guitar. As a matter of fact, after I finish typing this I need to go practice. Really, I need to practice A LOT! My fingers have just started to get tougher, which is really nice since I have steel strings, not nylon. From what I've heard steel sounds better than nylon anyway. I've had three lessons, but that's all I'm gonna get, at least for now. I was taking them in a city that's like an hour away, and with gas prices and school starting soon my mom won't be able to drive me. But, I learned most of the basics, and I have a book, so I will continue to teach myself. I'm having a lot of trouble with the chords, and I can't switch them very fast. I'm working on it. I do know the beginning to Smoke on the Water. My teacher taught me that at my first lesson, when I didn't have a book. TJ, my teacher, or my ex-teacher, was really good. Of course, he's a teacher, but like all of the songs he knew were in his head, and he'd just start playing them. He was playing an ACDC song when I started to learn chords, because it used a bunch. I didn't learn ACDC, but maybe some day if I want to. lol. Actually I want to learn how to play 'Let That Be Enough' by Switchfoot. I don't even think It has any chords in it! But it might, I haven't listened to it in a while.
One of my new favorite bands is remedy drive. They are really good, and I love the lead singer's voice.
Well, I should go and pratice, then get all my stuff together for the sleepover. I'm so excited, it'll be so much fun! *scream* All right, maybe not excited enough to scream, but you get the picture.
God bless you all!

How Has Time Passed So Quickly?

It has been how long since I've last written? I'm too lazy to check, but it's been a long time. ;)

I cannot believe myself. An hour ago, I was doing pretty good. I could feel myself getting sadder, but I thought, maybe I can keep it off, make it go away. Now here I am. I'm not sad yet, hopefully I won't sink any further, but I am at that stage where you are just so bored and desensitized. I really don't like this. I had to write, had to get it out, tell some one (though I don't really think anyone reads this blog 'o' mine). Honestly, I guess I don't blame people for not reading this blog. It's depressing.

Oh, I learned a new word. Masochistic. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up. This is what it said according to thefreedictionary.com : 1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself. 3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences. I TELL YOU THIS NOW, I have absolutely no link to the sexual part, but I do derive pleasure (maybe not quite pleasure, but I like it) from pain. I don't know what it is, I just like it. Maybe not exactly while it's being inflicted, but right afterward I feel something for it. If it's a cut, I feel pride at the mark left behind. A bruise, a little thrill every time it gets hit or throbs. It makes no sense. People aren't supposed to like pain. Are they?

Lately I've been questioning everything. I'm getting sick of it. Add to that the terrible feelings of nostalgia for my childhood. Plus the ups and downs I'm trying to get used to, but it has absolutely no pattern that I can make out, so I can't.

This sounds so stupid and melodramatic, (total teenager), but I just can't figure out who I am. I know, stupid. But hear me out, okay? When I'm down especially I love the pain and I love the miserableness. When I'm up and don't love anything especially. But when I'm in the middle, like when the fog clears and I can actually think, I find that I love painting and writing and drawing and even music. I like to spend limited amounts of time with my family even. I love to look at the sky and watch everything, people, animals, plants, everything. I am so serene. But practically no one knows that about me. It doesn't seem like it anyways. But which one of the three am I? I feel most comfortable when I'm down and when I'm 'normal'. What if when I'm down I am my normal self? But that doesn't level out with the feeling normal and not being down. So, I guess what I'm saying is I know what I like, maybe I even know who I am, but not how I can stay that way or what I will become.

I think that if I could stay in the midland, the normal me, for an extended period of time, I could settle and develop some more interests and improve my skills. I could make some good friends and show my family who I am inside. Or maybe what I am inside. But I just can't stay in the midland. So my next question: Can I actually make myself stay in the midland, but I choose to go down so that then I may enjoy the miserableness and pain while also allowing myself to avoid any serious friendships or commitments? That would be killing two birds with one stone, as strange as it is. Honestly, I can't figure it out. I don't think I can control the feelings in me, the annoying, evil little beast that keeps invading my mind and poisoning my emotions. But every time I get close to fighting it off, or I get close to giving up, I remember the pleasure I got from feeling so terrible, and I give in almost (but not quite) willingly. It's so annoying, and I'm getting tired of it. I'm getting sick of it. I want to stay myself. I want control of myself. But then I revert to my less self-assured self, thinking, well, I think I want control, but I don't know if I really do. And I get stuck in limbo between them. I hate limbo.

Another thing I have noticed in myself is I am much less committed to anything. Usually I would have read at least three books by this time in summer. How many have I read? Let's see...none. How many have I started? At least four. Not very far in any of them either. I used to love to read. I think I still do. But I just can't any more. Same with painting and writing. Everything has become at least ten times harder. There's that fog in my mind still. It clears every now and then, yes. But that's not enough to live off of. I need it to go away forever. I want to enjoy my life; I'm only getting this one on earth. You say, well, why not just stay down and pessimistic and masochistic, you enjoy the pain and negativity. True, I've thought it so many times before. But that's not actual real life. Real living is being able to love. Loving is hard for me, which makes pessimism so much easier. I don't want to live a real fake life. Does any of that make sense? If that's not enough, I hate seeing people I like look at me like they aren't sure about me. Or see myself hurt them verbally, when really I didn't want to, but somehow I did. With that evil thing inside me, I hurt people a lot. They don't always show it, but usually they're eyes give them away. I know that the real me doesn't like hurting people. But I can't seem to stop. Whether it's me or something else doing the hurting I don't really know, but I do know I hate it.

That evil thing, the thing that gets me down, has blended itself into me. It is so hard to pick myself apart from it. I still try on occasion. But it's so tiresome I just try to ignore it. It's funny to me, for some reason, that I am running around with a mixture of me and something evil and yet there's still a part of me that's purely me that can watch it and shake it's head in disgust at what I do. It's all me, but it's so different. Maybe you'll call it a conscience. But my conscience feels different than this part of pure me. Usually my conscience is next to it though. It's just so weird, especially when I can acutely feel the pure me and the mixed me at the same time, but seem to have little control over either.

I think I've said enough. Maybe too much. I have trust issues, can't trust anyone, so that's making life pretty hard on me now too. It's hard to talk to anyone you don't trust. Lack of trust and hope, like what I'm experiencing, also seems to make it harder to forgive people, because if you forgive them there is no reason not to trust them. But I can't just not trust someone, I have to have a reason, even if it's a weak reason or untrue.

Now I've way overdone it.
Sorry I kept you for so long.
If you can spare a moment, I need all the help I can get so feel free to add your thoughts or opinions or if you think I'm stupid or something, just tell me. I'm here.

May God bless you all

Relient K ~ Awesome Band

Relient K is my fave band, as of the moment.
I really like their songs, or at least the one's I've heard.
My favorites are Be My Escape and I So Hate Consequences, with Who I Am Hates Who I've Been coming in a close second. They are a pretty uplifting band. As ironic as this sounds, it's really nice to listen to songs by a Christian band that talk about feeling bipolar, and it makes me feel better when I listen to them.
Speaking of bipolar, that's what I'm pretty sure I have, but who can be sure? I'm most certainly not going to bring it up. It would make my parents upset, and they wouldn't believe me anyway. It's just so annoying and upsetting. I get on the peaks, and I feel on top of the world. I feel great. But it's an empty sort of artificial happiness. Then I go down. I go down fast and hard. Of course I feel horrible when I'm down. You can't feel good and be in the pits, can you? But, recently, a blessing. I am having periods of time where I am myself. I mean, I can actually control how I feel and I know why I feel how I feel. I can think so much clearer. It is so incredible, and I thank God for it.
I love the times where I am myself most. That's pretty obvious. But I feel myself change a few minutes before I either go up or down uncontrollably. And then I start dreading it. It's unstoppable and uncontrollable. I have tried fighting it recently, but nothing seems to work. I don't let it take over anymore, like I used to a year ago, but I still can't stop it. It kind of controls my life, because it is so uncontrollable. But, I actually like the pits better than the peaks. Surprising, sure. But when I am in the pits I know that it'll only be a matter of time before I go up or back to myself. When I'm in the peaks, I know that I'm going to go down. No stopping it. And the happiness is so artificial I can't enjoy it. So, even though I'm super artificially happy, I am miserable. And when I'm in the pits I'm miserable. Only when I'm myself do I ever feel good.
Don't take it for granted all of you out there! :)

A wonderful thing happened yesterday! Last day of school, and our school took us to Valley Fair for the whole day! It was pretty fun. I was feeling miserable, I was in a pit (I didn't want to be, I couldn't help it, which made me feel guilty and even worse, because my friends were having fun and were kind of thinking I was mad at them, but I was just miserable and tried not to be and that didn't work), but the weather was nice. Or at least, I thought it was nice. I prefer cloudy weather to sunny weather. I'm weird like that. It started raining a little bit the last like 15 minutes. It was so awesome, the clouds were like electrified. You know, before a storm when outside it's all calm and the electricity is in the air and tingling? That's what it was like.

Can't say anything more now.

God bless!