Nothin' New 2 Say

I have nothing to really say.
I will be going to an art thing tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday with Lidia, one of my best friends. I get out of school at noon both tomorrow and Friday for it, so that's pretty sweet.

Oh, My Immortal just started playing in randomized Windows Media Player. I absolutely love this song. It's by Evanescense, and Amy Lee's voice is just so beautiful. It took me until just a few days ago to realize that the song is a person who is still grieving for someone who's gone, probably dead, and is still haunting her. And I love the song.

'I'm so tired of being

suppressed by all my childish fears

and if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave

'cause your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

and I held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me

by your resonating life

now I'm bound by

the life you left behind

your face it holds my

once pleasant dreams

your voice it chased away

all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

and I held your hand through all of these years

and you still have all of me

I tried so hard

to tell myself that you're gone

but though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

when you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

and I held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me

me

me'

So, that's My Immortal. Beautiful song. I love it.

I'll try to think of some more interesting things to do with this blog, any ideas are more than welcome!

God watch over you this week!

♥ Tara

@ School

I have time to kill.
Well, not really.
I was trying to help Cassie put a video in her slide show, but it isn't working, so now Milan is helping her. YAY MILAN! : )

I haven't updated in a long time...whoa, I say that a lot.
soooo
My brother is definitely going to Boot Camp this summer. :'(
He wants to join the National Guard. It makes me sad. I am going to miss him so much. It's not so much him going to Boot Camp that makes me sad, or that I'm going to miss him a lot, it's that he's growing up.

Joram is my older brother. If he grows up, that means I need to grow up soon, too. I just made that totally selfish. But do you understand this feeling I'm getting that I can't put in words? He's growing up. He'll be moving out soon. He could get married and have kids! That's a good thing, but still. I just want everything to stay like it was when we were little kids. Playing in the mud and making forts together. We haven't even done that in years, but I miss it. And now, him going to Boot Camp, that's sort of, to me, like the seal that we will never be little kids again. The National Guard. Boys aren't in the National Guard, men are. He's only 17. And I love him and want him to stay my older brother who would do slapstick comedy for me whenever I cried. The brother who I would spend hours playing with every day. The brother who was with me when we moved and made everything easier. The brother with whom I would go outside and made tons of forts and play cowboys and Indians with. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him and greet this new brother, this man, who is grown up and responsible and has a job and is going to Boot Camp this summer.

I should probably go now.
Heather is reading this over my shoulder. She says 'hi people!'.
I'll talk to you people later.
God bless!
♥~Tara~♥

Firenze♥RIP♥

Well, yeah.
Maybe you can guess.
Firenze died last night.
She was slowing down for a long time, I knew it was coming, but it was still sad. I wasn't in the room when she died. I had her out of her cage and with me for over an hour because I knew she would be gone soon. Since it was my brother's birthday we were doing what he wanted, and he wanted to watch Ironman. I hadn't seen it, and I only watched like half since it was late, but that is a very good movie. I put Firenze in her cage so that I could take a shower. Then I changed my mind, I knew she would die within an hour. So I gave her to my mom to keep an eye on while I was in the shower. Then Firenze passed.
She will be buried in an oatmeal box today.
I don't even know if she liked oatmeal.

I'm not torn up about it too much, I knew it was coming.

The night before she died I held her for a long time before bed and I read her Psalm 19. I'd never read Psalm 19 before, but I really liked it and it seemed to allow her to relax a little more. I told her how God made her and God loves her and will take care of her.
I hope she's happy now. I don't know what happens to animals when they die. Maybe some day I will.

I still will miss her though. I'll really need to try bonding with Venice more.

May God watch over you this week.
♥Tara

Monday

Easter was great, wasn't it?
I know I enjoyed it, it's always nice to see the family, though I didn't really talk or socialize with anyone. Strange, looking back on it.

Well, today was definitely a Monday.
Complete with forgetting needed supplies and never quite getting into a 'work mode'. Yea, I hate the Monday after a week off of school.

It was worse for my mom. She had an absolutely horrendous day, as it sounds. Hehe, she's still not in a great mood. Probably won't be in a good mood the rest of the day. Days like this, it's best to try and avoid her or at least be as pleasant towards her as possible. This whole week is going to be horrible for her.

I have a standardized writing test or something like that tomorrow morning, I have to pass that to move on to 10th grade and in order to graduate from high school. Fun. But, I don't know, I'm not too worried about it. I should do fine, and I just hope I get a good subject to write on.

By the way, that new Sprint commercial with all of the statistics, I really like that one. Although, I liked it a lot more before I saw it like 100 times.

I will talk to y'all later, hopefully with something a little more interesting to say.

God watch over you this week,
With love and hoping for comments,
~Tara ♥

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

I hope you and your family and whoever else you celebrate

with have a great Easter!

Christ Has Risen!

Rejoice!

♥Gracie♥

Yesterday, I had the great honor to hold a baby.
: )
Her name is Grace Marie, and I kept calling her Gracie.
She is the youngest of my mom's friend Tanya's children.
She is about four months old, and she is so precious!

Now, this may come as a shock since I am a 15 year old girl, but I have never really held a baby. I mean, sure, I held my cousin Eric when he was still a tiny baby. I was too scared to hold his older brother, Nicholas, when he was a baby.
Then there was Brijette, little Bri, also a cousin (well, second cousin once removed), who I did hold more than any other baby previously. But, I feel like that doesn't count since she was much older when I held her and I didn't feel comfortable holding her for long. I don't think she felt comfortable having me hold her for long, either. She liked to move though, and was always trying to walk.

I'm getting sidetracked.

Grace, well, I held her for quite a while Friday. I mean, it might have been an hour, but I'm not sure. She's so little! And I felt very comfortable holding her, maybe because she isn't a fussy baby and has six older siblings. I felt so good holding her, it was like baby therapy for me, because I was having a down day. She made me feel so good, I cannot express it in words. It was sort of like holding joy in my arms, and having joy grab and hold my fingers. Every time she wrapped her little fist around one of my fingers I had such a moment of joy. I absolutely love that! And hearing her suck her thumb when she was against my shoulder, I hope I never forget it.

Gracie has the most precious blue eyes. And I shall never cease to be amazed by baby hands and feet. I love her, and it's just incredible how babies are.

I was holding her, rocking slightly back and forth and re-situating her when she started to fuss, and I asked God to bless her and all babies. And I thanked Him for babies. They are incredible, and God makes each one perfect in His eyes.

I just wanted to gush to you for a little while and write all that down about Grace. I don't ever want to forget it, and having it written will help me to remember.

God bless you!
♥
Tara

Jensen Ackles Picture!!

I can't believe that I didn't tell you people (or whatever you are....just kidding...I think) that I finally got my picture from Jensen Ackles!
It's a great picture, of course, and I am so excited about it!
It doesn't matter where you are in the room, his eyes follow you! I know, I thought it would be creepy too, but now I found out that it isn't. So, that is pretty sweet.
So, yea, Jensen Ackles is in my room, on the wall, above my bookcase.
It is SWEET.
It was definitely worth the six-week wait.
And, I feel like the people who send out his pictures get totally ripped off. Know why? I got his picture for free and they had to pay to make the picture and for postage and they have to write the address and stuff by hand. They might loose money. But, I kind of doubt it. Keeping fans happy is a good thing. Hey, thinking of Supernatural, it's on tonight. Oh, but wait. On supernatural.tv they say that the next 'new' episode is on the 23rd.
hmmmm
That would mean that tonight is a rerun.
Crazy Supernatural people.
What's with all of the hiatuses?
Well, the new episode is called 'Jump the Shark'.
I'll say it again: this season hasn't been great except I loved 'Wishful Thinking' and 'Yellow Fever'.
Now here I am, rambling about SN.
There was something else I wanted to say...
Oh, right.
I have an ortho appointment today. Yay.
It was supposed to be yesterday, but their x-ray machine wasn't working. I hope that they have it fixed. I am going to under-go about 45 minutes of teeth x-rays and picture taking and all sorts of stuff like that. I don't like it.
But, hey, I guess I don't mind it that much either.

On a whole different note, I am getting together a good compilation of music to add to my collection! I'll just need my parents' credit card to make the purchases.
And no, I am not stealing the credit card from my parents. I am being allowed music as a gift for being on the Honor roll every quarter so far this year at school. I don't like school very much, but I love music, so I think that it's a good trade-off.

I will talk to you peeps again later, if I survive the orthodontist appointment. That was a joke, I hope I didn't just jinx myself. Wait, do jinxes even work? I don't think so. They only work if you think they will, you know, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Wow, I get off-track really easily.

May God watch over you!
♥Tara

Blacking Out / GF

This is awesome!
I LOVE this video, hehe, I watch it and laugh.
LAUGH!
awesome randomness.
Did I mention that I like these guys?

Major / Dead Cat

All right, this one and the other one of them just talking...most people won't find them terribly hilarious...but I do.
Like I said, I really like them and I've watched all of his videos.

Adventures With Kyle III

Mitchell's Adventures With Kyle part 3!
Pretty funny, I like them.

Spring Break

This week is Spring Break!
Me and Emily are going to get together and it is going to be so much fun!
The snow is melting, again and finally, and the weather is starting to warm up.
Maybe I'll be able to take some good pictures soon.
Earlier I did have a picture day, I took pictures of all sorts of stuff outside, and a lot of pics with my cats.
Well, I need to figure out how to put the videos on my camera onto the computer and then on Facebook and on here for my friends' and my own enjoyment.
: )
I will talk to you people later!
Hey, please leave some sort of comment, it'd be cool.
God bless you!
♥Tara

While I Was Gone

Because of Drivers Ed I wasn't on my computer much at all for over a week. Yes, that is hard on me, but it wasn't really a bad thing. It was more of a break.

I really just checked my email a few days ago, but I haven't opened most of them yet. I will.

Hmmm.

Well, my friend, Hannah, visited from Missouri!
She was on Spring Break and her whole family came up to visit relatives and friends and stuff. It was so great to see her again! I miss her. Well, I guess it's sort of hard to stop missing some one who's gone and you really love. She is definitely one of my closest and best friends. YAY! I'm so so blessed to have her and Emily.

Today I went to an orthodontist appointment consultation thing. Looks like I'll probably be getting some sort of braces, but nothings known for sure yet about it. Tomorrow I have another appointment with some sort of ortho person to take pictures and x-rays and stuff like that with my teeth. Fun. I am so glad that I don't have their job.

Ummm, what else to say?

Mitchell Davis posted three new videos, and I will be posting all of them on here.

Fred also had a new video about April Fool's Day. It wasn't very good, but it's Fred, and he's classic.

I am excited, I will get to go on a music shopping spree today or tomorrow. Yes! Finally new music, I want to get a few special songs and check out a few bands.
It should be fun.

♥
~Tara

Drivers Ed Is Over!

Alrighty, it has been a very long time since I last blogged. Like, two or three weeks? Waaaay toooooo looonnnng.
So, I'm just going to update you with a couple posts, hopefully they won't be too long for your span of interest.

Okay, so Drivers Education is the main reason that I haven't updated in a while. But, that was only like two weeks long, so it isn't my only excuse.
Drivers Ed is over now, thankfully!
It was three hours every night from 3:30-6:30. It started Wednesday-Friday, Monday-Friday, and then Monday and Tuesday. It was SO BORING.

The guy who teaches it, Mr. Woods, is super nice. Which made me feel bad every time I nearly dozed off while he was talking. He really liked drawing different scenarios at four-way stops on a little white board he had, and then showing what to do if this happens, or if this is here, or this etc., etc. And all of the movies we watched? Wow, that is something: what people have made. Some of them were okay, some were boring, some were stupid, a few were funny, and the last one was like a snooze-fest. We watched it on the last day and I kept nearly falling asleep. My eyes would start to close and my head would start to nod and then I'd snap back awake only to have it start all over again.

No, I haven't taken my permit test yet. I don't know when I will, I want my permit and I don't want it.

I have one funny thing to say about Drivers Training, and you better laugh because I thought it was hilarious and frustrating at the same time. Basically, don't get me started about it. But, to share, this is what happened.

Mr. Woods was talking about stop and yield signs. It's pretty obvious what to do at a stop sign: you stop. Basically, it's pretty self-explanatory. At a yield sign you: yield to traffic with the right-of-way. Yes, I get it, it's sort of common sense. He finished talking about stop and yield signs and said, 'That's stop and yield signs in a nutshell.' Yay, we learned about stop and yield signs. Do you want to know how long the 'nutshell' was? 1 hour! That doesn't sound long, but it really was! 1 hour of stopping and yielding! That was all he talked about! It was so boring! I almost laughed out loud when he said it was in a nutshell. A nutshell is less than 5 minutes! That was an hour! And now I could rant about it for a long and redundant time. But I won't. (all of you are saying 'thank you!' right now, lol)

So, yeppy, Drivers Ed is over and you should be as happy as I am. : )

God bless!
Drive safe!
♥ ~Tara

mad

i just typed up a whole long blog for you people. It didn't post.
I won't retype it now though, cuz that just made me mad.
:p

Driver's Ed.

Hey, I found my other thing I wrote before about Drivers Ed, this is it. Yea, it's better than that quick one I wrote up just now.

This week Driver's Ed. started.

Basically, it's ten days, 3 hours a day, all on weekdays. This week was three days(Wednesday, Thursday, Friday). Then all of next week and only Monday and Tuesday of the week after that, and then I will be done!

Hopefully I'll pass my permit test.

It still doesn't quite seem like I'm old enough to be learning how to drive, like I shouldn't be doing this, but I guess we all grow up, day by day, whether or not we accept that.

Well, so far, the class is all right. There are mostly all people from my school and my grade. That's nice. I don't really like doing stuff where I am without anyone who is familiar to me. I feel kind of lost in places unfamiliar to me and being surrounded by strangers. Which is strange, I don't think I was always that way. But whatever.

The man who teaches us is, well, sort of boring. I don't mean to sound or be mean, because he seems really nice, but yea, he is a bit on the aburrido side.He basically tells us what to read for the next class and then he pretty much reitterates what we did read.

For instance, Wednesday night we read about road signs. Today he spent an hour (an hour! And yes, I kept count--there isn't much to do and today I had a good view of the clock), he spent an hour talking about yield and stop signs. Then he said, 'So that's basically yield and stop signs in a nutshell'. In a nutshell?! It was an hour of talk and scenarios about yield and stop signs! Maybe that doesn't sound crazy to you, but it was sort of frustrating for me.

Ummmmmm.....

This week not much happened. Except for that Driver's Training. And I'm not used to having something after school, and it runs from 3:30-6:30, so I get home, eat, do homework, shower, do more homework, devotional, bed. Pretty much that is all I've been doing. No time for reading what I want at home, no time for perusing movies on Netflix(new hobby--if-you-can-call-it-that), no YouTube, no typing up little stories or chatting on MSN, no time to go update my Facebook(all right, i just checked it now), no time to spend with my dog or cats or outside at all, and it was nice earlier this week, now it's cold again :( , and of course no time to type up a long blog in which I seem to go on and on about my problems and who really wants to read that anyways? Basically, I'm having a hard time adjusting, and am really tired by the time I get home from Driver's Ed. I will be happy when this is over.

I am watching 'Sister Act' (starring Whoopi Goldberg) right now with my mom. Well, I'm not really paying attention. It has it's funny scenes.

F.Y.I. - Catch Me If You Can is definately a favorite movie of mine!(I don't know if I've mentioned that before) I like it so much! And yes, Leonardo DiCaprio is an incredible young actor in this movie!

Oh, an awesome upside to Driver's Ed. is that I have to ride the bus over to the town next to mine. I get to ride next to my friend, Vickie! And then I get to see Bailey and Kinzie and Milan too! And everyone else. Yea, I like riding the bus now. I rode it once when I was in Kindergarten, my older brother rode it too, and I thought he would look out for me like he does at our house. I was wrong. There was no place for me to sit and I was so little and shy that I squeezed in next to him with like half of my bottom on the seat and the bus went around a curve and I almost fell off. Plus all of the boys were making fun of me because I was so little and scared. My first bus experiance was a terrible one. But now it's all good.



I am going to leave you to take a longed-for hot bath. This was an incredibly LONG week!

My Weekend @ My Cousins'

I haven't updated you in a while.
Here I go.

I didn't go to school on Friday. I was sick, but mostly I think it was just stress. I sort of was freaking out.

I went to my cousins' house on Friday evening. I love being with them, I smile and laugh so much that my cheeks are sore and hurt. I had a great day, we pretty much just surfed YouTube, found some hilarious videos, and I introduced my cousin Nick to the most addicting and cute game I have ever played on the computer. It's called Super Stackers. We beat Super Stackers 1 pretty fast, then moved on to Super Stackers 2 which has 40 levels (Super Stackers 1 only had 12).
By the time we finally went to bed Friday night, it was actually like 2:30 or 3:00, we were past level 35, I think. We were stuck on 36. So, the next morning when I woke up really late, my cousin was already up and had been up for like ten minutes and passed the level. It was awesome. We sort of get obsessed over stuff like that.
Then Ashley came downstairs, she went to bed before we started playing Super Stackers, and we showed her what it was and how to play and she was really good at it; she got us through two really hard levels.
Me and Ash were sort of getting sick of the computer, but Nick was only staying like another hour before he had to go to the gym (he's a gymnast, and a very good one too!), so we stayed with him and helped him with some levels and watched. Then it was just me and Ashley. We never know what to do, we just keep saying 'What do you want to do?' 'I don't care, what do you want to do?'.
So, I started finding Supernatural vids on YouTube, because I'd shown her and Nick a few episodes before and watched a Halloween-type episode of Season 3, I think, at their house with them. So I asked if she wanted to watch an episode and she said okay and told me to pick a good one.
Well, I chose 'Playthings' since I had just watched it not that long ago and it has a few good lines/scenes that I really like. Then I thought, 'well, she should see 'Pilot' since it's the first episode and sort of explains why they are how they are.' So we watched Pilot too, I forgot, I thought it had their dad in it, but it doesn't.(Well, except for in the flashback part, before the fire.)
Then we went upstairs, I absolutely adore their house, it feels like home to me.
We talked to Ash's mom, my Aunt Sally, and then we left, the 3 of us, for Northwest Bookstore. It's an absolutely awesome Christian bookstore that I love.
Ashley loves it too, and we could probably spend hours there.
I got two books, I don't remember what they're called and I don't want to go look right now, but both of them look really good. I can't wait to read them, but I need to finish at least two of the books I've started before I start another one.
That's what I've told myself at least.
Then we went back to their house and I saw 'Baby Momma' for the first time, they have it. It was pretty good, but I'd have to see it again to figure out if I like it or not. It's weird, I'm like that a lot with movies now, I like watching them twice before I say whether I like it or not. Unless it was totally awesome and I loved like the whole thing(that would be Pirates of the Caribbean 1&2, National Treasure, and The Outsiders, to name a few).

Hannah, I am really sad to hear about you closing your blog. Are you still going to read mine and Vinz's?

I am going to look into getting some Underoath music and also Children 18:3, and I need to check out this band, I think it's called Me Without You, but I'm not sure. I've heard a few of his songs though, interesting.
Thanks Anna, I really love music now and am exploring a little bit by myself, of course with tons of help from The Refuge. :-)
♥
God bless!
♥
~Tara

HeartBeats

Am I weird, (Pakou will say yes), or do other people also like to feel their heart beat?
I mean, sometimes, I just like to put my hand to my neck and feel my pulse. The steady 'tha-thump..tha-thump..tha-thump' is so calming. Reassuring. I like it.
Last night I could not fall asleep. Seriously, I was wide awake and could not put my mind to rest. So I was feeling my heart beat, trying to calm down. Sadly, it didn't help like it usually does. But it made me think about it; how a heart beat can reassure me. It's steady and constant. I feel the blood pumping through me, and I am reassured that I am alive. Some times, like yesterday morning, I have to assure myself that I am alive and that I should live before I get out of bed. Sunday morning I couldn't. It took me hours. I just wanted to sleep all day and ignore life. I like sleep. I don't get to sleep much. Not as much as I want to. Blast insomnia! And with all of these weird dreams intruding on me, the sleep I have been getting is starting to wake me up. I had a dream in which I threatened a girl I know, I said I was going to kill her and I started to chase her. Luckily I woke up before anything happened, and then it took me a long time to fall back asleep after that. The dreams aren't even like normal dreams. They feel different. And they freak me out, not only with their content, but also because I cannot control them. Usually, in normal dreams, I have some sort of control over what happens, or else I can change it to my favor. In these dreams I've been getting, I have no control over anything that happens. Sometimes I'm not even me, I mean, I'm not in my body. It is so strange, I'm not used to it. I don't know if I will get used to it.
What was I talking about?
Oh, yea, feeling my heartbeat.
So, I find it reassuring and I like it.
Oh, and I found that on Sunday morning my mind finally wandered to my friends at school and then my grandma, and the thought of her is what made me get up and say, 'I need to be alive and live'. So, I asked my mom if we could visit my grandma and grandpa that day. And we did. I took a picture of them, I want to put it in my room so that when I wake up I see them smiling and I want to get up. Like encouragement. I love them so much.

Oh, on a whole nother note, my digital camera wasn't working yesterday.I tried to hook it up to my computer, but it would not copy the pictures over. It is completely full. I am hoping to work on it today and make it work.

The bell is going to ring in like five minutes. (Yes, I'm done with my assignment, it was sort of like a free day for me) [And Milan's slide shows are all AWESOME!]

God bless you peoples!
~TARA

Facebook

So hey everyone. It's been a little while, I know.
I'm sorry.
I just got a Facebook. Literally, maybe like a half hour ago.
Yea, I don't know how often I'll use it, I don't really like the way that it's set up.
Anyways.
Now Emily and Hannah and everyone else can stop bugging me to get one.
I really wish I had more to say.
Oh, I know!
My friend Lidia and her mom and dad and three little brothers came over today!
Lidia is 9, but she is so mature. She wants a horse more than anything else I think. She also wants either a mouse or a rat, and she loves my two rats. Her and her brother Oden, I think he's like 6 or 7, and then Axel, who is I want to say 3 or possibly 4, had fun watching my rats. Lidia held Firenze for a while and Oden did too. We didn't let Axel, small kids tend to squeeze animals by accident and rats are fairly fragile, however, he did pet Firenze and Venice and liked watching them but he really wanted to hold one. He kept saying 'hold head' like he wanted to grab their heads, but he didn't. That's good.
I had so much fun! Lidia is just awesome!
We played a fun horse game she and one of her other friends made up, that was fun, she knows so much about horses she was trying to teach me. I learned a little bit at least.
We played Foosball too! I love Foosball, it's been so long since I'd played, no one ever wants to play with me. But we played, and that was so much fun. I don't know if I ever stopped smiling. She taught me how to play Crazy 8's. And we played War. It was so much fun, wow.
Then right before she left she wanted to help me clean out the rats' cage because I needed to clean it out. So she helped me. She loves animals, too.

I feel great today.
I was a little worried since it's Saturday and I slept in and I took my pill two hours later than normal, I was afraid I would get weird while Lidia was here, but luckily I didn't! I didn't at all today.
I had a crazy weird dream that would scare normal people but hardly phased me at all last night. I don't want to go into it though, people would find it disturbing. But I had to tell you all. I have been having tons of weird dreams.

Did you watch the new Mitchell Davis video that I uploaded? It was so funny, I watched it twice!
I will update again soon.
I hope.

God bless and watch over you this weekend.
Much love,
~Tara

Mitchell Davis' New Camera

Newest Mitchell Davis video.
He's random. and funny. and i like it.

oh, i know!

By the way, for anyone wondering, the song that goes with the video Supernatural: Folsom Prison Blues is called Renegade by Styx
Thought that I'd tell you, because I have come to really like that song. : )