Sharing my life with those who either don't have one or who are interested in what I have to say. For your sake I hope it's the latter. Kudos to you either way. ;D

Monday, July 5, 2010

Jobs

So, finding a job is hard. But actually getting a job is harder. Who wants to hire a sixteen year old with one previous employer that only half counts because it was volunteerism? Apparently no one. Now there are only two months of summer left. I don't know if I'll be able to keep a job during the school year, school drains so much from me.
I can finally, very remotely, sympathize with the job-searchers. I'm kind of one of them.
Honestly, it is a bit half-hearted, I only am looking because I'm being forced to by my parents, but part of me actually has started to want a job. At first, all I felt was panic at the thought of a job. It may surprise you, but I am not a huge fan of commitment, and a job requires quite a bit of that. And I felt, and still feel, like getting a job will finally, truly, close the door to my childhood. And I didn't want that. I still don't. But childhood left me a long time ago and I've only been clinging to remnants of a psuedo-childhood that I'm not 100% sure was ever really there. It's time for me to let it go, whatever it was, and move on.
Now I kind of look forward to actually getting a job, although I don't have much hope in it. I think it'd be nice to go somewhere that I'm needed, or at least paid to be needed, and do something with my time. I'm not quite sure what I've been doing this summer with all of my 'free time'. I've just been sort of dazed, and that is no way to live. I don't know what happened to the ambition I possessed at the end of the school year for my summer, my goals of learning new things every week and of reading Harry Potter y el cáliz de fuego to learn more Spanish. I've only gotten through a page and a half of it.
I just wanted to share my frustrations with you. Because there aren't enough frustrated people on the Internet as it is. :)

God keep you,
~TARA

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