Dreams

I found out recently that not many people can control their dreams.

Okay, well I can almost always control them. I've said that before when I was talking about taking Depression meds and how having dreams that I couldn't control was totally freaking me out.

Well, the dreams I've been having recently are really weird. I mean out-of-the-ordinary weird. This may sound weird, but I like those dreams in which I'm being chased or I'm scared. Because if it gets too scary I can just stop it or make myself be in a nice meadow and safe or something. I may even love those types of dreams. I don't know for sure.

But the dreams I've been having lately, since around the last week of school, I don't like these dreams much at all.

In all of them there is something with my friend Emily, although last night it was with Hannah L. It's nothing perverted! Nothing like that at all. But in all of the dreams with Emily she was being really mean to me. Treating me worse that dirt, you know what I mean? Emily is one of my best friends, so where is this subconscious coming from? The dream last night Hannah was working overtime, she had at least five jobs and it was like my mom thought Hannah was better than me. She kept saying how good Hannah is and how great she is. And I couldn't get away from my mom, even when I made a park and tried running from her. I couldn't make her disappear.

Now, I love Hannah and Emily. But, I don't know. It's like I resent them too. But how's that? I hate having dreams like this.

Do you know the song 'Mad World'?
Well, that's me. 'The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had'. That is totally me, because those are the best dreams I've had in years. I want people trying to kill me in my dreams instead of mean friends I can't do anything about.

If I could attack them, and I mean no disrespect Em and Hannah, then those dreams would be okay. More bearable. But instead I can't do anything.

More later.

~TARA