Relient K ~ Awesome Band

Relient K is my fave band, as of the moment.
I really like their songs, or at least the one's I've heard.
My favorites are Be My Escape and I So Hate Consequences, with Who I Am Hates Who I've Been coming in a close second. They are a pretty uplifting band. As ironic as this sounds, it's really nice to listen to songs by a Christian band that talk about feeling bipolar, and it makes me feel better when I listen to them.
Speaking of bipolar, that's what I'm pretty sure I have, but who can be sure? I'm most certainly not going to bring it up. It would make my parents upset, and they wouldn't believe me anyway. It's just so annoying and upsetting. I get on the peaks, and I feel on top of the world. I feel great. But it's an empty sort of artificial happiness. Then I go down. I go down fast and hard. Of course I feel horrible when I'm down. You can't feel good and be in the pits, can you? But, recently, a blessing. I am having periods of time where I am myself. I mean, I can actually control how I feel and I know why I feel how I feel. I can think so much clearer. It is so incredible, and I thank God for it.
I love the times where I am myself most. That's pretty obvious. But I feel myself change a few minutes before I either go up or down uncontrollably. And then I start dreading it. It's unstoppable and uncontrollable. I have tried fighting it recently, but nothing seems to work. I don't let it take over anymore, like I used to a year ago, but I still can't stop it. It kind of controls my life, because it is so uncontrollable. But, I actually like the pits better than the peaks. Surprising, sure. But when I am in the pits I know that it'll only be a matter of time before I go up or back to myself. When I'm in the peaks, I know that I'm going to go down. No stopping it. And the happiness is so artificial I can't enjoy it. So, even though I'm super artificially happy, I am miserable. And when I'm in the pits I'm miserable. Only when I'm myself do I ever feel good.
Don't take it for granted all of you out there! :)

A wonderful thing happened yesterday! Last day of school, and our school took us to Valley Fair for the whole day! It was pretty fun. I was feeling miserable, I was in a pit (I didn't want to be, I couldn't help it, which made me feel guilty and even worse, because my friends were having fun and were kind of thinking I was mad at them, but I was just miserable and tried not to be and that didn't work), but the weather was nice. Or at least, I thought it was nice. I prefer cloudy weather to sunny weather. I'm weird like that. It started raining a little bit the last like 15 minutes. It was so awesome, the clouds were like electrified. You know, before a storm when outside it's all calm and the electricity is in the air and tingling? That's what it was like.

Can't say anything more now.

God bless!